Why I Don’t Plan to Be A Stay-At-Home Mom

“Should I quit my job and become a stay-at-home mom”?

This question has crossed my mind. Mr. FAF and I have discussed this topic multiple times. Throughout my life, I’ve met and heard about so many stay-at-home moms (SAHMs) out there. This is what I have gathered:

MOMS

Stay-at-home moms

1) Some women’s goal is to eventually stay at home and take care of their kids no matter now high an education they have achieved. I once met a Postdoc in Chemistry who quit her job after she had her first baby and decided to experiment with an online candy business mostly for fun.

2) Some moms weigh the pros and cons of going to work v. staying at home with the kids. They realize that sending their kids to daycare ends up costing more than what they bring in after-tax from their full-time job.

One of my friends have three kids under 5. She decided to be a stay-at-home mom while her husband works full-time. She does some interpretation and translation on the side when she has time.

3) Some moms stay at home with the kids but plan to return to the workforce after their kids grow up. They want to see their children go through the most vulnerable stage of their lives smoothly before they feel assured enough to start working a gain.

4) Some moms have a medical condition and can’t work at all.

Working moms

1) Some moms want to be financially independent. They don’t like the feeling of depending on their husband for finances. They would like to have an equal say in every decision in the family.

They want to be in the best financial shape possible to take care of their children should something happens to their husband unexpectedly or should they go through a divorce.

2) Some moms have no choice but to work since their husband’s income alone would not be sufficient to support the whole family.

DADS

Dads with SAHMs

1) Some dads want their wives to devote most of their time to taking care of the family. They don’t mind being the sole source of income and appreciate their spouses’ sacrifice.

2) Some men want to be the authority in the family and pressure their wives to give up their career. They want to be the sole decision maker in the family since they bring home the bacon.

Dads with working moms

Some dads want their wives to remain in the workforce .

1) They had a stay-at-home mom who wasn’t treated fairly by their husband just because the mom did’t have an income and had to ask the husband for money on a regular basis. The husband made all the decisions without asking the wife.

Dads in this camp saw how their moms suffer for not working, so they want their wives to be financially independent.

2) They don’t make enough income to support the whole family and need their wives to contribute to the finances.

3) They want their wives to have a passion and a career. Maybe that’s the reason why they fell in love with their wives to begin with.

Our decision

Growing up in a low-income family, I saw how hard my parents, especially my mom, work to provide me with enough food and clothes and a good education.

Besides her full-time job, my mom had various side hustles to pull in some extra income for the family. She knit sweaters, hats, and gloves for a small clothes shop. She made yogurt for our neighbor to sell at his food stall. She did many other side jobs that I just can’t remember.

But one thing that will stick with me is the image of her knitting late into the night to finish the order. She was tired and sleepy, but we needed the money, so she kept on going without complaining. All the while, she was taking good care of the whole family.

My parents’ wish is for me to have a good education that will ultimately lead to a good career so that I can take care of myself and my kids.

For me, working is not only to fulfill my passion and to be financially independent. It’s also for me to realize my parents’ wish and to show them gratitude for their sacrifice and hard work all these years.

If one day they’re too old to work or are not financially sound, I want them to know that they will be taken care of. I will support them with my own hard-earned money.

They don’t have to worry about whether Mr. FAF will be ok with that. He will be since we have agreed on this. Even if he doesn’t, it is my responsibility to take care of my parents. If we can’t see eye to eye on this, maybe there’s something wrong with our relationship.

Luckily, Mr. FAF and I are on the same page about me being a working mom and us supporting our parents when they’re old. He wants to up our income and loves the fact that I’m independent and career-driven.

Conclusion

I realized the decision to quit their job to be a stay-at-home mom or continue working after having kids is difficult for a lot of women.

Every family has a story. For us, Mr. FAF and I will continue to pursue our own careers and passion while trying to take care of our family and to achieve financial freedom in the future.