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Mr. FAF and I have been together for almost four years.
Yet, I can count on my fingers how many gifts I have gotten from him, including when we were dating.
So far it’s been three: a stone bracelet, an Amazon Fire phone on sale, and a bouquet of roses.
Mr. FAF is not the romantic type. We go on very simple dates every once in a while.
Whenever a big occasion is coming up (i.e. Valentines, birthday, anniversary), I’d have ideas about what we should do together.
However, most of those ideas never see the light of day.
The impetus
One time I was on a business trip and called Mr. FAF on the phone. I was lonely in the hotel and wanted to have a romantic conversation with him.
But he was just not on the same page. I was so upset I told him I felt like our marriage was getting really boring. Then I hung up.
Of course, I regretted saying that afterwards and apologized to Mr. FAF.
The roses
When I got home, however, I saw a big bouquet of roses on my desk with an emotional letter from Mr. FAF which is something totally out of character for him.
It brought tears to my eyes. I thought Mr. FAF would be upset at me for getting angry with him. Instead, he listened to me and bought me roses as I wished.
It was the first time he’d given me flowers. We didn’t have any vase at home, so I just put them in a $1 glass my mother-in-law had gotten from a yard sale.
The first roses I’ve ever gotten from Mr. FAF.
The realization
I think I got Mr. FAF in the groove since after that time he suggested buying me flowers on special occasions. But I just told him he didn’t need to do that.
I loved those roses, but they withered after 3 days and just looked miserable. Mr. FAF later told me he had spent $10 on the flowers.
I told him we can just use the money to go out and enjoy a delicious meal instead. At least we will get some nutrition, energy, and deliciousness into our systems. He eagerly agreed.
I’m not really a flower type of person. I know it when I see beautiful flowers, but I don’t feel the need to possess them. Maybe it’s a habit my frugality has trained me: admiring instead of having to possess the beautiful things in life.
Maybe it’s because the grass is always greener on the other side. I saw other women getting flowers and gifts from their husbands and got a bit jealous. Now I got to experience it too, so I don’t feel the desire and the urge to have it.
Whatever the reason is, I know Mr. FAF does listen to me, so I will listen to him. He may not buy me gifts on special occasions, but he always shares the daily chores with me such as cooking dinner, taking out the trash, doing laundry, and mowing the lawn.
If I tell Mr. FAF I crave KFC at 11 PM when it’s cold outside, he’d be more than willing to get it for me. I think that’s what I really need from my husband.
The contentment
Recently, my colleague got a flower delivery from her husband who was living in another city. If I hadn’t gotten those roses from Mr. FAF, I’d probably be a bit jealous of my co-worker. However, I just felt happy for her because I knew it was no longer what I wanted from Mr. FAF.
I later told Mr. FAF about my colleague and asked him what he thought. He said: “I think it’s expensive. It must be at least $30.”
I burst out laughing since it was exactly what I was thinking too. $30 to spice up our married life is great, but maybe we will save that money for something we really need instead.
Whenever I feel like Mr. FAF is not romantic enough, I’ll look at the picture above and remind myself that the grass is not always greener on the other side. The grass I’m on right now is beautiful and full of life already.
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I don’t like buying flowers either. They just don’t last. The shop really jacked up the price during Valentine so that’s the worst time to buy. We rarely buy flowers now because we have cats. They’ll go up and nibble on them and throw up. Not fun.
Mr. FAF is a lucky man. 🙂
Hi Joe, I was literally giggling why reading your comment. Your cats sound so cute! I have never heard of any cats that like to eat flowers and then throw up afterwards. @_@
Flowers are so overrated. Now I feel happier if Mr. FAF takes out the trash or folds laundry nicely without me askinghim. I will make sure to tell Mr. FAF he’s lucky! 😀
Once in awhile (maybe b-day or anniversary) I’ll buy flowers for my wife, but not on Valentine’s day when they jack up the prices. My wife is frugal like me so she feels the same way about buying flowers that die in a few days…but it’s still nice to get them…it’s the thought that counts.
Have you read the Love Languages book? I’m not the romantic type and am not the greatest in expressing feelings/love, etc. Maybe it’s my Asian upbringing…we don’t talk about feelings! But I show my wife love the same way your husband does by doing chores and running out at night to get something my wife craves. According to the book, some people’s main love language is “acts of service” which is how they communicate love.
Hi Andrew, it’s so nice of you to buy your wife flowers. I’m sure your wife really appreciates it. 🙂
I haven’t read the book yet but will check it out. Mr. FAF usually doesn’t say emotional or romantic things to me. When he actually does, it’s often because of something big like he gets a new job offer and wants to thank me or something. I think the Asian upbringing has a lot to do with it. My parents have NEVER told me they love me. I’d probably be weirded out a bit if they did. I do like the way things are though. What my husband does means a lot more than just the nice things he says although I’d love both! =)
My husband is also very unromantic. I think the jealousy comes from wanting just *something* to acknowledge the relationship/we exist/they care. An occasional $4 mini-bouquet from TJs, picking up your favorite candy bar (or instant noodles!). Or getting a sitter for the kids so you can go out is nice.
I’m actually starting to buy the occasional flowers now that we no longer have cats (that would eat them)!
Aww picking up your favorite candy bar/instant noodles is absolutely adorable. Sometimes I tell Mr. FAF that I want to eat something and then forget about it. But he will always remember to pick it up or ask me if I still want it the next time we go grocery shopping together. It’s the little things in life that make us happy!
It’s great you can buy flowers now. I do think they make the house look prettier and more homey =)
My wife hates flowers. She hates how they die after a couple of days and says it’s not worth it. She would much rather save the money or receive a card that she can re-read over time. It’s always interesting to see what people’s love languages are 🙂
I like cards too! I’ve asked my husband to make/buy cards for me or write romantic letters or poems, but he just said it’s not his style @_@.
I found it very helpful, the information is good, Keep it up.
Thank you so much for the support! 🙂
I used to think flowers were a waste of money, and that they wither and die too quickly, but now I’m a gardener and I love having my garden and being able to take flowers inside from it! Such a treat! It feels a little different when you watch it from from a seed or bulb to maturity and then cut it… Which allows it to branch and grow more flowers! I wish I could say it was frugal, but now I spend more on seeds and bulbs than I ever did buying flowers (since I did not buy flowers). However, bulbs come back each year and I’ve had a few volunteers from seeds I grew in past years.
I totally know that feeling! Whenever I try to grow something, I tend to think of the seeds or the plants as my baby, and I’m nurturing them with love and care. We don’t have a big backyard at our house. I’ve tried to grow sweet potatoes, green onions, avocados, and other things, but it never worked out. The I felt like I wasn’t good enough of a nurturer/gardener, and that I had disappointed those plants. I know it sounds kinda emotional, but I tend to get attached to anything I grow. I might try again this summer by following Youtube videos. Those videos are super visual and helpful!
Oh my gosh, I’m reading this on my Amazon Fire phone!
Good use of money, it can buy some happiness, don’t have to save it all all the time.
I have an Amazon Fire phone too! I agree with you sometimes we just need to spend a bit to make yourselves happy. Trying to save all the time could get exhausting. 🙂