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On October 3, I wrote a post about Mr. FAF’s recent job situation.
At their weekly check-in meeting, Mr. FAF’s boss asked him to look for another team at his company.
In other words, Mr. FAF’s boss didn’t want Mr. FAF to be a member of their team anymore. Mr. FAF was politely kicked out of his group.
It felt like one of the biggest rejections hubby has ever had in his life.
What has gone on in our lives
Mr. FAF later told me that it was a low point in his life.
He felt like a loser, and he had little, if any at all, confidence in himself.
He kept apologizing to me every day for being a loser. I could tell he felt inadequate as a husband and a dad who can’t provide financial security for his family.
Mr. FAF’s income accounts for more than half of our combined income, so a job loss would put us in a less ideal situation although my income can still support the whole family (i.e. mortgage and monthly expenses) if we pull out kids out of daycare.
I tried to be supportive and told him to not lose hope, and that things tend to get better after they get really bad (which I’m not really sure myself).
To an outsider, it might be just a team mismatch. But for hubby, it was a confirmation of all the self-doubt he has about himself that he is indeed a loser who gets nothing right in his life.
I wish I could say it is all in his head, and that this is the Imposter Syndrome. But based on what Mr. FAF told me, he’s not so passionate about the work and feels that he’s the worst member of the team.
Mr. FAF reached out to some of his colleagues on other teams and asked to talk to the managers. He also met with his boss and asked if his boss could help him find a new team.
A couple of days later, his boss came back saying he’d found a new team for Mr. FAF, and that Mr. FAF could start on the new team on October 15, about two weeks after he was told to transfer.
That update still doesn’t make Mr. FAF feel any better. He feels like an outcast who’s been kicked out of his group due to his performance.
To be fair, I could tell Mr. FAF wasn’t too passionate about his job and didn’t put in all of his effort. He wanted to transfer to a new team one month after joining the company but didn’t have the guts to do so.
One thing about Mr. FAF’s personality is that he’s adverse to change and likes stability. He wasn’t sure if he could fit in with the new team or if he could do a better job at the new position.
It was self-doubt that prevented him from searching for new opportunity. His boss, however, could sense his lack of passion and thus a lackluster performance. His boss’s words were the final push for Mr. FAF to leave it all behind and start a new chapter in his career.
The biggest lesson I’ve drawn from this experience is that finding a job you like is crucial. It not only gives you more energy every day when you go into work but also encourages you to showcase your best qualities. If you feel indifferent about your job, your boss and colleagues can possibly sense that too.
Mr. FAF’s goal
For Mr. FAF, his goal is to be able to work for Google one day. He likes that Google is innovative and has a lot of great projects such as the driverless cars.
He reached out to the Google recruiter after getting the news. (Mr. FAF got an offer from Google a year ago but turned them down to stay in DC with me.)
They told him there is an opening in DC, which both of us were super excited about. However, the position was L3 while Mr. FAF’s level is higher at L4, so it wasn’t a good fit both in terms of qualifications and compensation (i.e. L4 engineers get paid much more than L3). Plus, it is a small team with only 20 software engineers.
They said that there won’t be any openings in the DC office in the many months ahead, so hubby was very disappointed.
Since I work in the public policy field, DC is the best place for me to be. But it also means that Mr. FAF has to delay his Google dream until later.
At least, now we know there’s a chance Mr. FAF can still find a position in the Google DC office, so now we’re just waiting.
In the meantime, Mr. FAF will also be studying for an interview at Facebook since the company is expanding their engineering team in DC and is recruiting new employees aggressively.
It will take hubby 3-4 months to get ready for the interview. However, deep down, Mr. FAF still feels unsettled about whether he can do well even if he can transfer to a new company.
He’s not even sure if he can get an offer from Facebook (his next career move if he still can’t find a suitable position at Google).
He asked me to forgive him if he can’t get a job at Facebook. I was confused and asked him why I would need to forgive him. He just needs to do his best.
Mr. FAF said that he’s using a lot of the family resources with his dad and me doing most of the household chores and child rearing while he’s figuring out his next career move.
In a nutshell, he’s feeling guilty for everything that he does or that has happened to our family recently.
I am glad I can give you an update on Mr. FAF’s job situation in a relatively short period of time (about two weeks).
I was worried it would take Mr. FAF months to find a new team, and that he might not be able to find any team that wants to take him in.
This incident has caused both of us a lot of stress and has definitely crushed Mr. FAF’s self-confidence big time.
He thanks me every day for being by his side during this low point in his life. I jokingly said it’s because I have no choice. But deep down, I know I will support him even if he’s unemployed as many wives do.
What matters to me is whether he’s aware of the consequence of his action and whether he keeps trying to improve the situation.
I am sure I will be in his shoe at one point in my career, and I will need his support as much as he needs mine at the moment.
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