Life With 2 Kids & Living With The FIL: An Update From Our Family

It’s been almost two months since I announced the birth of our baby girl.

As I am typing this post, she’s sleeping in a vibrating bouncy chair right next to me.

The weather in DC is getting colder to prepare for the winter and the holiday season.

But it’s also a season of flu and colds.

And our baby just caught a cold yesterday night.

I’m not sure if it’s because the temperature in our house was too low (67 degrees) or if Mr. FAF passed his cold onto her.

But I am feeling really guilty for not being to protect my baby from a cold.

It’s not a good way to celebrate her two months.

RelatedAnnouncing The Birth Of Our 2nd Baby – How It All Happened

What’s been going on with us

A lot has happened since my post about her birth.

As you already know, right after Mr. FAF returned to work from his paternal leave, his boss told him to transfer to another team since he wasn’t a good fit.

That caused Mr. FAF and me a lot of stress given that we have a newborn and a toddler to take care of; financially instability was the last thing we wanted.

But he’s found a new team and is feeling more like his normal self again.

Aside from that, I’d also want to give you guys a quick update on what’s been going on in our family.

Related: Update On Hubby’s Job Situation: Depression, Guilt, Self-doubt & Hope

Life with the father-in-law

As mentioned in an earlier post, Mr. FAF wants to prepare for an job interview in the next 3-4 months, so my father-in-law (FIL) agreed to come to DC to help us out with the baby.

I lived with both of my in-laws for a year and with only my mother-in-law (MIL) for another year. Things became challenging between my MIL and me due to our cultural and generational differences, not to mention the language barriers.

My FIL has lived with us for almost a month. And I can definitely see the difference. My FIL is pretty chill and doesn’t tell us what to do. He doesn’t make us stay at home with him or get upset when Mr. FAF and I go out on a date like my MIL did.

I also don’t really talk with my FIL much, so that removes a lot of the stress and misunderstanding that might arise in a MIL-DIL relationship.

RelatedHow Our Lives Have Changed After My Mother-in-law Left

Division of household tasks

Mr. FAF returned to work almost a month ago, but I’m still on maternity leave until early November. Below is our current division of labor:

Mr. FAF

— Do the dishes in the evenings

— Go grocery shopping with my FIL

— Cook on the weekends

My FIL

— Cook on weekdays

— Take Baby F1 to daycare and pick him up

Me

— Take care of Baby F2 at night and during the day

— Do laundry

— Clean the house

— Do the dishes and help Mr. FAF cook on the weekends

Baby F1

— Enjoy his carefree life as a toddler

— Be cute & throw tantrums every day

Baby F2

— Eat, sleep, cry & be cute

(Alright, you know I’m just kidding about Baby F1 & Baby F2’s tasks. Their main responsibility is just to grow up.)

When I go back to work in early November, the following tasks will change:

Me

— Take care of Baby F2 at night

— Take Baby F1 to daycare and pick him up

My FIL

— Take care of Baby F2 during the day

— Make dinner on weekdays if he has time

Mr. FAF & me

— Cook for the whole week on the weekends

Related: Housework – The Financial Decision In A Marriage

Thoughts on being parents of two kids

Before Baby F2 was born, Mr. FAF tried to persuade me to have three kids. His idea was to have our parents take care of the kids for us.

However, after two months of helping care for a toddler and a newborn and realizing that my parents might not be able to come to the US at all, Mr. FAF has realized how much work it is to care for a kid.

He now agrees with me that we should have two kids only.

I love my baby dearly, but during those nights when she’s fussy and I stay up pretty much the whole night with her, there’s one thing I strongly believe in and keep telling myself: I’m done having babies.

I think it’s more important for us to give our kids quality time for them to grow and learn from us instead of chasing after a specific number of kids.

RelatedBoy Or Girl & How Many Kids Should You Have?

Being on maternity leave

Time went by so fast. I only have three weeks left before returning to work, which I have mixed feelings about.

On the one hand, I want to stay at home longer to take care of our baby since she’s still too young. Although my FIL will help take care of her during the day, I can’t help but feel that I am the best person to care for her.

On the other hand, I am excited to return to work. I’ve been feeling a bit out of touch with reality ever since I gave birth. I have my work inbox open every day to know what’s going on in the office.

I miss the conversations with my colleagues and the feeling of getting work done instead of just breastfeeding and changing diapers every day.

I wish I could have a copy of myself to get the best of both worlds. But life is not so perfect, so I have to pick and choose. I’ve had a great two months taking care of my little angel, now it’s time for me to move on and be a working mom.

Conclusion

I’ve never felt so happier about my marriage and our family than now.

Mr. FAF and I have come so far after 4.5 years of a long-distance marriage, one year of being half way around the world from our son, and multiple fights, tears, and apologies.

Whenever Mr. FAF and I face new challenges in our lives, I always remind myself that things will get better, and that nothing good in life comes easily.

This family life of ours might seem normal to other people, but it is what Mr. FAF and I have been striving for over the past five years.

Our situation will change when I return to work in early November and when my FIL goes back to China in late January. But as long as Mr. FAF and I have each other and our kids, we know we will be fine.

Related: 

Our Family Reunion & 4 Financial Implications

Our Biggest Fight & 4th Anniversary Celebration

The Pros & Cons of Our Long-distance Marriage

Interview With Mr. FAF – Husband Of A Personal Finance Blogger

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16 thoughts on “Life With 2 Kids & Living With The FIL: An Update From Our Family”

  • I am glad Mr FAF is feeling good about his first week with his new team. Keep the good energy going!
    Enjoy your remaining mat leave, and I am glad that your FIL is low key and drama free. And hope Baby F1 quits the tantrum job :p

    • OMG I can’t wait until Baby F1 is done with his tantrums. I think someone can really test their patience just by being next to a toddler when they throw a tantrum!

  • Your FIL is leaving that quickly? I hope you guys can handle two kids on your own. It’ll be tough. It’s great that you’re getting along with your FIL better. Best wishes.

    • Mr. FAF wants his dad to go back to China before the Chinese New Year’s since his dad might get too lonely here. Plus, my MIL also wants him to be in China.

      It will be busier, but I think it’s about time the two of us took care of our kids without bothering our parents. We will manage! (hopefully)

  • Awesome! I just had a big sigh of relief knowing that Mr. FAF found a new team and is in a much better place. Also, I can’t for the life of me fathom why single-motherhood is so prevalent today. Just look at your situation. You have three brains, two incomes, and six hands taking care of your two kids. And with three committed adults, it’s still not easy. How could one person possibly do it well? Great post, Mrs. FAF. You and Team FAF should be proud. Cheers.

    • Thank you so much for your continued support, Mr. Groovy! It is definitely difficult for a single parent to take care of their kid(s). I think sometimes it’s beyond their control (i.e. abandoned by their partner, divorced), but I’m sure every kid wants to be raised by both parents 🙂

  • I have been following you for a while, but haven’t commented! I am so glad that your husband has been able to find a new team and that everything is going well. You are amazing for being able to raise your kids and managing everything around the house. (I am Grad. student now and adulthood just scares me) I am sure you will get back into the hang of things when you head back to work as well.

  • Sounds like Mr. FAF is getting comfortable with his new team, good for him. Having your FIL really helps you guys get through the first few months of taking care of Baby F2 by dealing with Baby F1 and dropping/picking him up from daycare. Getting any type of assistance with dealing with two little ones helps a lot. Enjoy your last few weeks for maternity leave.

  • Your father in law cooks for you and will be taking care of your child, why don’t you talk to him that much? Is it a language issue? That must be hard communicating about your children and their care.

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